Wait a minute, I have not posted in almost 6 years!  Like you care.

Queer and The Fat Man has shut down (queerandthefatman.com), but I do need to save all those juicy nuggets of reviews.  I'll eventually move EVERYTHING out of here, but until then, this becomes the archives for QaTFM.

Racing with the Moon, C-.

Oh boy oh boy! We're up to 32 Nick Cage movies watched! Crossed the halfway point with this gem and Bringing Out the Dead.

What do we have here? A coming of age drama in which Nick Cage plays an idiotic womanizer who uses his friends? And do we also have a moody, whiny Sean Penn to boot? What more could I ask for?? Although it seems to have killed his career as a director, Richard Benjamin at least had the decency to shoot it in 1.85:1, unlike Zandalee.

The story involved Nicky (Nick Cage... hmm), his friend Henry (Sean Penn), and Henry's chubby chunkin' cheeked love interest, Caddie (Elizabeth McGovern). Nicky loves to run the gauntlet of loose women in town, while Henry is a one-girl man. All heck breaks loose when Nicky impregnates a girl and convinces her to abort it. Hilarity ensues as they are ushered off to war after doing a lot of yelling and moping.

Favorite Nick Cage Line: Wow, 200 bucks a shot. That's some business, huh?

Favorite Nick Cage Moment: When he's driving his hot rod away from the abortion, swigging from a booze bottle. Classy.

Gotta be honest, I had to look up a script to even find a decent NC line in the entire movie. Unlike many of his movies, it wasn't so much embarrassing as it was boring. Surprisingly, there were some saucy scenes in this (for whatever reason) PG movie underscored by a sensual saxophone soundtrack.

Zahanduhleeee

Zandalee, D.

This is the first of many Nick Cage (or is it Nic Cage?) movie reviews. I'm trying to make a bit of a formula so we have a good standard. I think it'll go something like this:

Opening Rant: We start off with an early-90s gem that looks made for TV, but has far too much nudity to play on the Super Station. Director Sam Pilsbury appears to be banished to TV movies after this, although he did direct the critically acclaimed Free Willy III. For whatever reason Zandalee only played in Hong Kong and Italy, which would explain the Chinese menus on the DVD from Netflix.

The Plot: Zandalee is married to a former-poet-now-exec who has no attraction to her whatsoever. Enter Nick Cage, long haired, cocaine addicted painter who sweeps Zandalee off her feet... in the other room... while her husband is entertaining guests. She falls for him, he falls for her, husband is unhappy, everybody's dead by the end except Nick Cage, who is very very sad.

Favorite Nick Cage Line: I wanna shake you naked and eat you alive.

Favorite Nick Cage Moment: Nick Cage is very upset, strips down to booty shorts, and rubs paint all over his body while screaming.

My Impression: Frankly, it was embarrassing to watch. Everybody was trying so hard to act, and obviously had no idea what they were doing. The filming was awkward, the bar scenes were quiet enough to hear a pin drop, and the ADR and sound mixing were typical TV terrible.

That wasn't so bad, was it? Far easier to read than Zandalee was to watch.

Oh the Folly

Look at that face. Look real good. That face is what me and my wife are looking at on a regular basis.

We realized that we both love and hate Nick Cage. We also thought we've seen a good number of his movies. Turns out we hadn't, so we decided we'd watch every NC movie ever made.

Madness, you say? Yes it is.

So far we've seen 26 of the 60 movies that are out on some sort of DVD/VHS release. About 10 of them were good, the rest were.... Nick Cage movies. I will attempt to review them all, but they will be brief, angry reviews.

I Dream of Ethan

Daybreakers, C.

Ah, the fresh smell of January movies. Although these releases are more like the day old bread section at a bakery. Still, it's good to be out and seeing movies since the I have not seen any for a while, and the last one I saw was Avatar (YUK!).

First selection of the year was Daybreakers. Honestly, have you ever seen an uglier poster? Must be why it's only floating around online. Whatever.

I was pretty excited about this movie. Ethan Hawke has been a favorite of mine every since I saw Gattica way back before Jude Law ruined his career. I even read a great interview in which he praised the movie as being original, not Twilightish, and most importantly (as I would learn after watching the movie) only 90 minutes long.

Daybreakers is the obvious final step where vampires are the norm and humans are in hiding. Being the primary food source helps keep your numbers down, I suppose. They did a very nice job of giving you a world view - buildings were different, cars had blacked out windows to avoid the sun. So many movies just tell you that the world is different, few go to the trouble of showing you the changes. I feel about this movie how I felt about District 9. It's a very pretty movie - there are some scenes that I giggled with happiness while watching - but on the whole the plot is pretty dull. I feel like there's a new movement of visual film makers who are capable of using technology to their benefit, but have little concern for storytelling.

All that said, it wasn't Twilight, so really can I complain too much? Yes I can. However, the DVD is worth renting just for the slow-mo scene of the vampire swat team slaughtering itself. It was like a painting in motion. Also, a severed arm was slowly twirling through the air.

Thanks for reading, and welcome to the movies in 2010!

2009 Movies Review

Final Movie Count: 52 movies, up 7 from last year.

I'm up a bit on A-graders from last year to 11, but I'm also up on C and D graders quite a bit. I guess you can't see this many movies and not see a lot of stinkers. I must add that with Allie's number's added in, total is probably up around 55ish seen on the year.

Colin's Top 5:

1. That Evening Sun
2. Rudo y Cursi
3. Zombieland
4. The Road
5. A Serious Man

I also could have included Coraline, Where the Wild Things Are, or Inglorious Basterds, but just didn't feel as strongly about them.

Colin's Bottom 5:

1. Fighting
2. An Education
3. G.I. Joe
4. The Time Traveler's Wife
5. Friday the 13th

I would have included some of the AFF movies I saw, but they didn't ever make it to distribution, I don't think. It was a tossup at the end between Orphan, Pandorum, and Friday the 13th. Walked out of the last one, so on the list it goes!

The only place to go from here is up up up! More movies this year! I still need to see at least one or two 2009 movies, so I may need to rework the list and the stats.

One Mega Review

So far this year I've reviewed 25 movies. Here are the other 27 I watched in 2009.

Transformers 2, C-. The first one was pretty dreadful, but it had decent entertainment value. This one took the cake on insultingly bad movies. Wowing an audience with CGI only works once, Mr. Bay.

Moon, A-. Sam Rockwell's always been a favorite of mine. He really has a chance to shine in this lonely space drama/thriller. I really enjoyed this movie, and it is one of my favorites for they year.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, C. Six months later, I honestly don't recall too much about his movie. That's not a happy sign for a film. I do remember not really recalling much about it at the time. So dreadfully boring!

Public Enemies, B-. Mann has been in a decline since... oh... Heat? This was better than Miami Vice, but still not what I expect out of a director of his caliber.

Bruno, C. NOT better than Borat. Some funny/shocking parts, but lacked the story that I was expecting after Borat. Some say it's not fair to compare to Borat. I do.

The Orphan, D. Typical bad horror. The twist was no twist, the horror was not horrible. It wouldn't end.

G.I. Joe, D-. We all knew going into the movie there were problems. I didn't know how bad it was until I saw the finished product. They're seriously making more of these?

Inglorious Basterds, A. I don't always like the QT movies, and really wasn't sure I'd like this one, but the opening scene really set the mood for a very good film.

District 9, C-. Over hyped, no plot, great CGI. Would have been in the D or F range if there wasn't good graphics. Let writers write and CGI guys make CGI. Don't let either of them direct.

The Time Traveler's Wife, D-. I got tricked into watching The Notebook!

9, C. I had high expectations for 9 after seeing the short film a few years ago at The Animation Show. Elijah Wood is just too weird as a voice actor.

Gamer, B. From the same guys who did the Crank movies, they have a really great style of movie making that is aways fun to watch, but leaves you feeling visually assaulted.

Surrogates, C-. As TheaterHopper said, if you could pick any body you want, why look like The Little Dutch Boy? Oh Bruce.... Bruce...

Pandorum, D+. Not sure why I put the plus. I didn't completely hate the movie, but I was just so boring. How do you have a space action/thriller with no action or thrills?

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, A-. A great animated movie. I just can't tell you how much fun it was to watch. Don't really care about 3D, and I don't think it would have improved it one bit.

Extract, B+. Mike Judge is back with another sad, weird movie. Get the DVD, you'll enjoy it.

Where the Wild Things Are, A-. Really beautiful, amazing film. It was just so... brown.

Zombieland, A. Nothing to do with this being filmed in Georgia, I really enjoyed this movie. It was hilarious and had great pacing.

Law Abiding Citizen, C+. Full of implausibilities and horrific acting. Mildly fun, but not enough to be more than a C range film.

A Serious Man, A+. The Cohens unleash an unfiltered Jewish masterpiece with this film. It was hardly funny, but still couldn't be anything but a comedy.

An Education, F. I don't want to hear anything about Carey Mulligan being the next anything. So what if she can wear bangs. That doesn't make her a good actress. What a dismal movie.

2012, C-. I was hoping for a C+.

Ninja Assassin, C-. Ninjas are magic until they meet: bumbling female lead, other ninjas, hummers and automatic weapons.

The Road, A. I have not read the book, but I hear it's a great interpretation. So very sad. And we get to see Vigo's saggy bottom once again.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox, B+. I can't help but enjoy good stop-motion movies. A strange movie, but very fun.

The Men Who Stare At Goats, D+. It didn't help we saw it on socially-awkward-moviegoers night, but the movie was so unfunny. It tried so hard to be funny.

Avatar, B-. I will write a full review later. The story was very engaging, but everything else was insanely disappointing.

That's all for 2009. Hopefully returning to full-size reviews soon.

Movie Reviews for the Masses!

Or is that masses of movie reviews...?

At any rate, it's been a while since I have reviewed anything. I know I'm supposed to be writing full reviews, but these shorties should be okay for now, right? I'm a little ashamed, because if this guy can do movie reviews:












then I really have no excuses, now do I?

On to reviews - first the ones that have played in theaters, then I will follow up with Atlanta Film Festival movies.

Coraline, A- What a great movie. The opening was brilliant/creepy as anything. Wonderful animation and very worth the watch. Might be a little scary for kids, but good for all ages.

Friday the 13th, F Walked out. It was just stupid. It has nothing to do with Friday the 13th, it was just a way to slap the brand on a movie, kills some kids in the woods, and make (if I recall correctly) rediculous profits.

Madea Goes to Jail, D- Another terrible movie. Walked out, got dirty looks for doing so. I guess I could maybe understand the appeal, but it's like trying to enjoy a high school play - bad acting, bad filming, okay plot..pity perhaps?

Watchmen, B- I've never read the comic, so I don't know how it compared. Some parts were cool, othes were a bit comicy. It was entertaining overall, but I don't know if I'd watch it again.

Knowing, D++ That extra plus is for Nick Cage. A pointless movie with typical NC acting. I guess if you're on the mindless quest that Allie and I are on (to see all of his movies) you should see it. Otherwise, probably not. Wait for the Rifftrax on it.

The Haunting in Connecticut, D I wanted this to be so much better than it was. Typical horror movie, but a worthless ending. I guess if it's based on true events...

Fast and Furious (4), B+ I don't care what anybody says, this was easily the best movie of the series. Better cars, better action. No comparison, plus it was just fun to watch even if you hadn't seen the rest.

Dragonball Evolution, D+ This is exactly what happens when you try to translate anime directly to live action with little tweaking in between. Wow, it was rough.

Crank: High Voltage, B In the tradition of the last Crank movie, it was nonstop rediculous action. I truly admire these film makers - they work quickly, low budget, and have a great story telling method. Not for everybody - you'll probably feel like you need a shower and a good cry after its done.

Earth, C This was another one I really wanted to be better. Typical global warming, environmental, etc, but it had some really beautiful shots. Planet Earth will still be my first blueray purchase.

Fighting, F Terrence Howard probably has the most annoying speaking voice I've ever heard. Walked out about halfway through.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine, C- I've just realized that this year is the most disappointing for movies I've ever seen. So disappointing. Guess how I felt about Wolverine?

Star Trek, B+ While a good watch and I'm sure great for fans, just didn't do as much for me. Plus it was a Star Wars story ripoff - you all know it, don't pretend Star Trek is original!

Terminator Salvation, A- I watched all of the previous movies up to this one. It was really a good movie in the sequence, especially after Rise of the Blah blah blah... The only thing I didn' t like was super-plastic Arnold. It was somewhere between disgusting and insulting to watch.

UP, B Get mad. I didn't like it as much as previous Pixar. Still a very good movie, but felt kind of kidsy - cheap jokes, nothing too sophisticated. Still better than Cars.

The Land of the Lost, B It was like one long, weird skit. More adult than I expected, but had some really funny moments.

The Hangover, C- I'm ashamed I watched this. I almost walked out, probably should have. I'm done with these kinds of comedies - nothing is funny, they're just trying to be shocking or gross.
Now, Atlanta Film Festival 2009. It was a good festival, lots of good movies playing, including two shorts I had worked on. Hopefully I'll be back some day, probably with a new film.

Rudo y Cursi, A+ Great movie - hilarious, dark, dramatic, but didn't drag for a moment. I don't care if you don't like subtitles, you'd better be watching this movie when it comes out. It's in limited release at the moment, should be on DVD shortly.

500 Days of Summer, C It was a hollywood movies that happened to be indie. It was okay, but the ending just ruined the film for me. It did not belong. I have to wonder if it was tacked on later by Fox in an attempt to make it more mainstream. Question for the director, I suppose...

Deadland, F Like many movies, great poster, terrible followthrough. A plot and some set dressing could have helped. Not sure why it was accepted.

The Death of Alice Blue, F This one wasn't as suprising as Deadland, but I just didn't like it. It was really trying too hard.

That Evening Sun, A+ This is a must-see for anybody, and is now one of my favorite movies. A beautiful script, shot so well. It didn't throw anything in your face and was a great example of what souther movies should be. Rent it, buy it - either way you need to see it.

Squeezebox, C+ Documentaries - not my favorite in any case. I had never heard of Squeezebox, so it was very informative, just not that entertaining.

We Fun, C+ Another one. Documentary. I don't know, I didn't really like many of the bands and Mastadon was on for about 2 minutes. The short before it about Peter Stubbs - brilliant.
That's all for the reviews. Stay tuned for more posts and an update to the site!

2008 Movies Review

Final Movie Count: 45, down 15 from last year.
















As you can see, a good number of C and D range movies, I think more than last year. A suprising 8 A-grade movies this year! Not bad.
Colin's Top 5 of '08

1. Slumdog Millionaire


2. Wall-E


3. Burn After Reading


4. Son of Rambow


5. Milk

Didn't quite make the list: Pineapple Express, Speed Racer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Skills Like This. Skills Like This is technically a 2009 release now, so I'm not sure if I should count it in the top 5 for '09 instead. It would be 2 or 3 for '08 otherwise.
Colin's Bottom 5 of '08

1. The Spirit


2. The Love Guru


3. Max Payne


4. One Missed Call


5. X-Files: I Want to Believe

Didn't quite make the list: Transsiberian and 10,000 BC. The Love Guru would be number 1 if I had watched the entire movie, but the 20 minutes I saw were enough to make it the number 2 movie.

Goal for 2009 is 80 movies in theaters, as well as at least 20 actual full reviews like I did for "Part of the Problem." Those were fun, but difficult at times. Only having to review 1/4 of the movies gives me a chance to be a little pickier and let inspiration hit me.

Out With the Old, In With the New

Well here we are in the new year. A month into the new year. I'm on a strong pace to make 12 blog posts this year.

I'm here to talk about movies - finishing up the last few of 2008, and telling you about the new muck I've seen so far in 2009. Next post will be a roundup of my top and bottom 5 of 2008.

The Day the Earth Stood Still, D I am constantly defending Keaknew Reeves as a decent actor, but it's stuff like this that just undermines me. Such a nothing movie - nothing happens, it has no point, it drags and is so incredibly painful. There were some cool destruction montages at the end - the only thing that saved this from an F. Filthy, misleading trailer.

The Spirit, F- Ah the dreaded F-. It looked kinda cool, but that was it. Just blah blah blah, stupid fights, blah blah blah. I fell asleep, woke up, and I was still hearing the same stuff over and over. What a waste of time! Frank Miller, you hack!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, B+ This movie is long. Really long. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly long it is. Still a good film, but that's the reason for a less than A grade. The movie is exactly what you think it is - he starts old, gets young. The only thing I wish there was more of (more length!) would be some parts of his younger (older?) years. There was a lot of him leaving home and making his way, but it rushed through the rest. Also, Josh Hartnett should have played young Brad Pitt.

Milk, A+ A great biopic about Harvey Milk, the first gay elected official in California, and his rise to power. It was a very real look at gay life and, I felt, one of the most accurate portrayals of gays in cinema. Usually you have a stereotypical flamboyant gay side character there for comic relief or for some version of diversity. Nice to see a good film being made. I really think it's still too gay for Hollywood although it got more Oscar nominations than I thought it would.

Slumdog Millionaire, A+ Ending the year off on a huge high note with Milk and Slumdog. Indie filmmaker Danny Boyle brings it was in intricate tale of a slum kid from India on his way to winning "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire." Everything about the film flowed so perfectly - story, music, editing. No wonder it's the frontrunner for Best Picture and just about every other award.
That's all from 2008. On to 2009!

The Unborn, C It's Beth! From Cloverfield! She's about as annoying in this role as she is screaming and crying about having rebar rammed through her chest. Whiner! This was a typical horror montage with very little explanation or logical world rules. Provided lots of opportunity for hilarious commentary.

My Bloody Valentine 3D, B- The plot wasn't that great, and neither was the cinematography, but the action was so over the top bloody and hilarious, I had to give this one a good grade. One of the most enjoyable stupid movies since Crank. Speaking of - CRANK 2 IS COMING!!! More excuses for Jason Statham to be shirtless...

Awards Season

Here we are in January. Arguably the most entertaining month for movies, but also the time when we get to seethe over the stupid choices made on awards shows.
This year's Sheeple's Choice Awards was about the same as every year - like a bad myspace poll.
Which was your favorite independent film this year???

• The Secret Life of Bees
• The Duchess
• Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Um. Are those really my only choices? Click HERE for the full list of "winners."

Last night we go the Golden Globes, which made the right choice by showering Danny Boyle with awards for Slumdog Millionaire including Best Director and Best Picture. Click HERE for the list of winners, although I usually skip the TV portion.

Soon the Oscars. Ahh that ignorant voting group.

Mega Movie Roundup

Okay, I've been sitting on these for a while. Should be in somewhat chronological order, but don't hold me to anything.

Hellboy II , C+ The somewhat-awaited sequel to 2004's Hellboyfinally dropped in '08. It wasn't quite as fun as the first one, but still entertained. The Tooth Fairies were particularly disturbing. I always like Guillermo del Toro's visual style, but not always his directing. Fun flick, watch it when the DVD arrives.

The Dark Knight, B- I know I'll get grief for this, but it wasn't all it was hyped to be. Heath Ledger was good as the Joker, but I don't think it would warrant an Oscar nomination. This time around Gotham City is a nice Chicago-esque city, far from the gritty Gotham of Batman Begins. It made a vigilante in a bat suitseem far more stupid/insane given the setting. Speaking of stupid/insane - the Joker's ridiculously elaborate plots really didn't do much for the storyline either. I'm not saying I hated the film, I just want to make sure I point out that this is not the best movie of all time, or even the best Batman of the series.

Transsiberian, C- I'm always up for a good limited release film, especially when it involves Russia. Mmm, do I love the strangeness that is Russia. Transsiberian was a beautifully shot film, great locations, but really fell short in every other way. It wasn't the worst thing ever, but it felt about 3 times longer than it actually was.

X-Files: I Want to Believe, D X-Files was a great show. Even the last horrible season had some cool elements. I'm not sure what happened between that last show and this movie. Obviously the ability to write a good, scary story was lost. I know we've been waiting and waiting (SPOILERS!) for them to get together, but c'mon. Weak. Painful. Do another, and get this franchise back on track.

Pineapple Express, A- I was a little nervous going into this movie since I thought it had one of the best trailers I've seen in years. It did not disappoint. Very very funny, very very violent. One of the best brawl scenes in a movie since The Quiet Man. Probably not for everybody, but one of the best stoner/action movies I've seen.

Death Race, B I could probably copy&paste this review down to Transporter 3 - lots of shirtless Jason Statham, lots of ridiculous action, but a load of fun. I can't get enough of these types of senseless action movies.

Babylon A.D., D+ I like Vin Diesel. I'll pretty much see anything he's in. I even liked the trailer for this movie. That's about it. Painfully boring, very little action, and one of the dumbest endings of a movie I have ever seen ("oh no, they destroyed our two Range Rovers! you win, VD!")

Bangkok Dangerous, D Ah Nick Cage - your emotionless acting and befuddled looks lure me in every time. You've even grown out those luxurious curls! I can't even remember what this movie was about. I do remember being surprised that the "Drink when he says 'uh'" game did not go that well. Why do I fall for his charms every time?

Burn After Reading, A Just like I did not understand the hype for Dark Knight, I did not understand the dislike for Burn After Reading. As far as madcap and unexpectedly violent movies go, I can't think of a better film. I'm not sure what people expect from the Coens. They make good movies, but they range from drama to comedy and every place in between. Can't please everyone, but this movie pleased me.

Miracle at St. Anna, C The trailers were very shrouded in mystery and really spurred me on to get to the theaters for the opening weekend. Bad acting, a non-punchline, and a really silly ending just ruined what could have been a great film. Oh well.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Play List, B+ Finally an indie film that doesn't pretend it's not luring in its fanbase with a catchy indie soundtrack. Call it what it is. A little less cute and a little more adult made this a much more enjoyable film than I thought it would be.

XXY, C+ I missed this one at the AFF this year, but got it in theaters a few months later. Soooo sloooow. One redeeming scene, which you'll instantly recognize if you bother renting. Don't bother.

City of Ember, D+ I love alternate world movies. Experiencing a new world is one of the best things about going to the theater and sitting in the dark for 2 hours. However, this is Walden, and no matter how good the story, it's going to be bad. I never learn.

Max Payne, D He must find the supernatural killer! Not only was the trailer misleading and deviated from the game, it didn't even accurately reflect what was going on in the movie. Max Payne was supposed to be about straight up psycho violence, not brooding and reflecting. What a waste of a good game movie. Hopefully they can Hulk this one and make a good sequel.

Quantum of Solace, C+ The last Bond had some of the best action sequences imaginable. Well done! Bravo! The new bond shot some random footage, spliced it all together, and had the gall to send it out the doors as a movie. I get shaky/quick-cut action, but this was way too much. I had no idea what was going. The entire plot was pretty weak as well.... OOooo! Big bad guy is getting water contracts in third world countries! That's so crazy! I'm not even going to comment on how the trailer lied about the cool 60s looking style it should have been shot in.

Twilight, C- Vampires are already a bit brooding and moody, but when you drop that into a perpetual 17 year old, it crosses into territory I'd rather not see. Those books had better be amazing, because I don't see the appeal of this movie. Aparently Kristin Stewart is as unbearable in real life as she is in the movie. Way to reach for the starts with that indie stripper role, Kristin!
Transporter 3, B The last Transporter wasn't that great, and very little can match the first one, but this was pretty good. Statham shirtless half the time, etc. Kicking, punching, etc. Completely implausible car sequences. Good times.

That brings me up to date on the year's movies! I still want to see Punisher (despite the numerous bad reviews), Milk, Boy in the Striped Pajamas, and The Day the Earth Stood Still (blank stare for me, Keanu!). That should bring me up to about 40 movies for the year.. about half of what I had hoped for. I just can't handle the bad movies like I used to. Allie should help with getting to that elusive goal next year!

Let's Grade Movies!

Time for another movie roundup! This is shaping up to be a fabulous summer, with plenty of hits, but some disappointments as well.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - B. I was not disappointed. Shai the Beef was not as annoying as I had predicted, but still was.... himself. The ending was a bit of a letdown, as I expected something more spectacular, what with all the unprecedented use of CGI this time around. If I were you, faithful reader, I would wait for the DVD on this one.

The Incredible Hulk - B-. Finally, what a superhero movie should be - little bit of plot, LOTS of action. There was a bit of un-hulk action that broke up the flow, but for the most part, it was all Hulk. I'd rather have seen Hulk get a bigger as he got angrier, but the pants bits were amusing, so I forgive them. Also, according to Allie and I agree, Liv Tyler looks like a duck.

The Love Guru - F-. We walked out about 20 minutes in. That's how much of the middle school humor we could stand. What made it worse - people were laughing. I told the manager I wanted my money back, he looked at the ticket stub, and didn't seem suprised at all. Thanks Regal!

Wanted - D+. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I'm angry right now, thanks. Wasted idea with an idiotically simplistic plot. Some have said it was very bloody. Eh, there's only so much blood you can get out of CG. Absolutely anticlimatic and required quite a bit more suspension of belief than it deserved. It was okay, but don't waste your hard earned money.

Wall-E - A+(+++++). Well done Pixar! Charming film start to finish, beautiful establishing shots - you absolutely got each environment. Wall-E and Eve has to be one of the cutest couples to ever grace the big screen. If you have not seen this movie, you must. If you don't, you have no soul, are a demon, and to that I say adversus solem ne loquitor.
Upcoming movies include..... uh.... Batman? Summer is running out of steam, and it's only just July.

Summer Blockbuster Roundup

Summer is here and, along with sunburns and mosquitoes, we get one of my favorite portions of the year - the summer blockbuster season! Beats the heck out of the Oscar hopeful season, and Christmas season movies are always disappointing. Speaking of disappointing, here be reviews of the ones I've seen so far!

Iron Man - B+. RDJ did an excellent job as Tony Stark, really playing up that charisma. Good storyline without a lot of emotional nonsense. Other than that, the film had its fair share of problems including the final big fight scene being shot in the dark. Seriously, I came to see an action film - that means I want action and I want it visible. I also thought their defense industry stuff was a bit silly too, but it is the movies after all.
Stark Industries Logo:

Lockheed's Logo:

I'm sure Lockheed is just thrilled with Iron Man.

Speed Racer - A-. What a beautiful film! It was exactly how anime translated to live action should look - shiny, strange, and unapologetic about being unrealistic. Christina Ricci was perfect as Trixie, since she sort of looks like a cartoon anyway. I simply don't understand the lack of box office and poor reviews. You get films like Transformers that struggled to find a plot, but was chock full of amazing CGI - that did well. But then you get something like this movie that is creative and fresh, filled with some of the most impressive digital work I've seen in a movie to date, and people complain about it being so CGI. Can't please anybody. Here's hoping DVD sales are big enough to justify a sequel.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall - B-. Yet another Apatow comedy, but thankfully this one was written by and starring Jason Segel. The plot was pretty weak - a slight bump of conflict and then resolution, but really who sees comedies for plot anyway? Each scene was a pretty good bit by itself and Russell Brand absolutely stole the show with his bizarre brit rock star persona. There's absolutely no reason to see this movie in the theaters, but I'd grab the DVD if you liked Superbad, etc.

Prince Caspian - C-. Oh Walden, it took you until the 2nd Narnia film to completely mess things up, but here we are. SPOILERS COMING!! They changed so much that made the story flow in the book - when the horn was blown, who led the attack on the castle, etc. It was so poorly paced, just rambling nonstop for the entire film until it was done and you wondered what you just watched. I had zero expectations, thankfully, so I'm glad I wasn't let down.

Movie Madness!

Summer blockbuster season is upon us, and I have a backlog of films that I need to get reviewed/graded and out the door. So here we go!

Cloverfield - B. First person filmmaking is not new, but it had not been done mainstream like this. A bit overhyped. I decided to get the full effect, me and Shane would watch it from the front row. Phill had to move back further since he gets the motion sickness. The story was good, and has the infinite sequals potential (one event, follow any number of people going through the same event). Recommend a rental, since it's not in theaters any more.

The Bank Job - C+. What a fabulously depressing movie. Real life events are rarely turn out as well as Hollywood conceptions, and this was no different. If you were expecting Jason Statham to have some great fight scenes, wrong movie.

Jumper - D+. I have a feeling this was originally a 140 page script. Producers ripped it in half, and said "There, now we have a sequal already written." Tired idea that was not played out very well. Hollywood seems to think that if you cast Jackson as a villian it is immediately a good movie, but even SLJ couldn't save this mess. Look for Jumper 2 in theaters soon, I'm sure.

Doomsday - B+. Not the greatest movie ever, but it was fun, fast-paced, and did not appologize for anything. You want a car chase? Well hey, the roads are perfect and you just found a Bentley! Great watch, fabulously cheesy. You must rent.

Step Up 2 The Streets - C+. Anybody who saw this did so for one reason - cool dancing. It was a pretty generic story, enjoyable, and the dancing was really worth the wait. Rent, skip to the end, and there you go.

10,000 BC - D+. Why, oh why. Roland Emmerich is not anybody I'd describe as a great director, but his movies are usually pretty fun. 10kbc - not fun at all. Ugh.

Be Kind, Rewind - C-. Creatively shot and I love the message of community filmmaking. Beyond that, I'm just sick of Jack Black and really didn't enjoy the film too much.

Semi-Pro - D+. Oh hey, if we swear a lot nobody will notice we didn't write any jokes. What, it didn't work?? #$%@!!!!

The Forbidden Kingdom - B-. Jet Li and Jackie Chan together at last! Thankfully we got one good fight scene out of them before continuing on through a relatively uncreative storyline. Still was pretty fun (and clean - hey-o!), so I'd catch it on DVD.

That's all I got for now. I've so far only seen 14 movies this year, and am far off my pace of breaking 80. Iron Man is tonight, Speed Racer after that, then more Narnia, then Indiana Jones, and and and!

AFF Is Done!

AFF was this past week (and a half), and it's finally over. I'm both happy and sad by that. Happy because free beer every day followed by all of us buying each other drinks was a bit much. Also happy because I volunteered for projection and got no sleep for a week.

Sad because I really do love the the environment. It's a time when I can see all of my favorite film people all at once instead of on a project twice a year. I'm not sure how other film festivals are, but AFF is small and pretty intimate. I can imagine some of the bigger ones can be completely overwhelming. I'd rather be at one of those as a filmmaker so I can have something to talk about, instead of "oh, I'm just here."

Film rundown - I saw all of three films at the festival, but they were all pretty good. It was an eclectic mix, but not a lot really appealed to me. There was a big gaping hole where the Horror Short program should have been. Bah! The three I saw were:

• Skills Like This - an awesome comedy out of Colorado. I really would like to see this go a long way because it's smartly written, has some incredible scenes, and is funny (oh hey, a funny comedy... how often do we see that these days?). My favorite film of the festival, just eeking out Son of Rambow.
• Son of Rambow - wow, Garth Jennings is rapidly becoming one of my favorite directors with Hitchhiker's Guide, this gem, and his fabulous Q&A after. Really a classy guy, and a lot of fun. This film is actually heading to theaters pretty soon, so please go out and check it out. I can't really see anybody not liking this film.
• Dance of the Dead - the film that Rome built. Or that took over Rome. I'm not really sure. Without going too much into detail, I was disappointed at a number of things including not being consistent with its own world rules (yeah, some stuff is funny or advanced the story, but at the expense of the integrity of the story) and inconsistency in shooting style - it's like they had 4 different DPs over the course of the project. I will say that this was great success as a community film - people loved it and it involved a lot of local folks. It's nice to see a film that leaves everybody happy instead of sour for the experience.

Some other films to keep an eye on are: Young At Heart, XXY, and Mongol. All should be on DVD at the very least (I think Mongol is going to theaters sometime this summer).
And that's all he wrote! Fun festival, and I look forward to it next year, hopefully with a film in competition.

Rambo: Total Annihilation

Rambo, B-

Rambo has been the gold standard for insane violence for a while now. It's like the Soldier of Fortune of the movie world (for reference, the new SOF was refused classification in America and banned in Australia). The new (John) Rambo does not disappoint and through some sort of MPAA voodoo it only got an R rating.

IMDB keywords for this film include: massacre, arm ripped off, disturbing, intestines, and responsibility. That last one was put in by some concerned parent, I'm sure.

The movie opens with the brutal destruction of a village by the Burmese Army that both sets the tone of the movie, and builds towards the ultimate thrill of their destruction. I can't say I've felt less pity for someone being blown away by a 50mm sniper rifle than in this movie.

Rambo has slipped into a funk, catching snakes and standing in the rain stoically. The presence of amateures (paid mercenaries) is just the thing to kick him in to high gear and start the river of blood flowing.

I won't give it all away (people die.. there, just ruined the movie), but the buildup and conclusion of Rambo setting off an old WWII bomb is about the best movie action I've ever seen. I didn't know old Stallone could move like that any more.

While not an Oscar winner, Rambo delivers plenty of blood and action while making previous attempts at brutality, like Saving Private Ryan, look like a children's birthday party.