Bridge to Talohexane

Bridge to Terabithia, C+
WARNING: This might be SPOILERish. But you don't watch dumb kids movies, so what do you care? Read on, person with who has killed their inner child and is basically living life as a zombie.

Most. Depressing. Children's film. Ever. I'm serious. It was just sad, got sadder - and then it ended! In the nearly empty theater was a couple who sobbed the entire movie, and a guy further down my row that sobbed loudly near the end. Maybe I'm super cynical, but I didn't think there was anything hopeful about how the movie ended, and I didn't cry (much). I understand the main character learned something, blah blah, but it just didn't do it for me. Enough rambling, more being critical.

The film is based on a great children's book that I haven't read. How do I know it's great? Because it won a gold medal! The movie was shot in something like 15 little episodes that really didn't tie together all that well. It really had more potential for more suspense, but the lack of linkage between events was non-existent. Acting was good and bad. Josh Hutcherson's performance reinforced his complete lack of emotional range. Acting lessons. I'm seriously this close to printing up gift certificates and sending them to actors when I see them butchering an art form. AnnaSophia Robb, on the other hand, did a fabulous job and shows good promise as long as she doesn't get ugly when the puberty stick hits her (Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if you forgot, you heartless chimp).

Zooey Deschanel gets her own paragraph because she's that awesome. I have a script called "The 8 Good Friends" that I will cast with all my favorite actresses when I get famous. It used to be called "The 7 Good Friends" but I saw Agnes Bruckner and had to rewrite it yet again. This isn't creepy, you just have problems.

All the movie did was make me want to read the book. CG was pathetic, but I wasn't expecting much from Disney. Almost makes me want to rent the 1985 PBS version of the movie to see if it's less painful, but somehow I don't think so.

By the by, I have no ticket stubs because I lost the one I had, and saw most of these movies on one trip to the theater (3 on Friday night - don't think I'll be doing that again).